Seven real things to fear this Halloween

This is a Halloween post I wrote last year, to start getting you into the mood for the morbid. I’m working on some new material for later this month so stay tuned and prepare to be frightened!

It’s that time of year when parents are stressing over Halloween costumes for their little demons, hoping they will come up with something original. And Halloween candy has been decomposing on store shelves for months.

Just kidding. Candy can’t decompose because it’s embalmed with chemical preservatives.

Anyway, it is also the time of year to focus on fear, like ghosts and goblins. But these don’t scare me much, because when I think of a ghost I envision Casper, the friendly cartoon ghost. And the thought of goblins conjures up the image of an adorable blue Smurf.

What are the specters that raise the prickly hairs on my chin? Besides the fact that I have prickly hairs on my chin?

  1. Flying eels: I live in an area where most days if you look long enough, you will see eagles circling overhead. One sunny July day an eagle dropped an eel on the windshield of an unsuspecting man, while he sat in his car eating a sandwich. After the slimy fish oozed to the ground, a bird of an unidentified species plunged down and gobbled it up.
  2. Eagles: see above. Was the flying eel the result of a klutzy eagle, or a young congregation torturing a senior citizen for a lark? Was it settlement of a gambling debt to a competing predator? A fish deal gone bad? Initiation into a gang? Can you honestly say you can think of these majestic national symbols the same way, now that you know their capacity for the macabre?

    eagle_pixabay-with-effects

    Just because they are protected, doesn’t make them nice. Photo courtesy pixabay, edits by author

  3. I have no electricity and I’m trying to get a fire started rubbing two tiny sticks together. In between swatting mosquitoes, and pulling bats out of my hair, I’m overtaken by hunger, and chomp down on a raw, red hot dog. I try to settle down to sleep, but when I hear coyotes howling in a circle around me, I quietly begin to cry. Recurrent nightmare or fear of camping?
  4. Missing the kickoff: I love football and I love the national anthem. But when a pop singer murders the Star Spangled Banner, changing the key a minimum of 6 times (inadvertently), assaulting my ears with high notes that sound like a bullhorn, I grab noise cancelling headphones and hide. Afraid I’ll return too soon and catch the last discordant pitches, I MISS THE KICKOFF!
  5. Corn mazes: I can get lost in a Walmart parking lot on a slow shopping day, so I’d be a-mazed if I could ever find my way out of a corn maze. Patrick suggested we do this as a ‘fun family activity,’ and asked whether my life insurance policy was paid up. Hmmmmm……have I written about him one too many times?
  6. Canine drivers: Isn’t it enough that people of all ages are driving to endanger? I read a story about this cute little Cujo who drove his owner’s truck into Branch Lake, putting the terror in terrier. Since he was rescued, I worry he’ll take the wheel again, and this time head for the highway.
  7. Caffeine insufficiency: When the weather report threatens a power loss, instead of rummaging for batteries and candles, I brew up a few several pots of coffee. While fear of physical withdrawal is a huge part of my angst, the real horror is the threat of total annihilation of my personality.

There you have it. Seven fears that I think would even terrify Stephen King.

Have you ever been lost in a corn maze? Have you ever seen a flying eel? Do you hide your car keys from your dog? Have you ever eaten candy you found in a box you packed away in the 1980’s? Do you think eagles look angry? What gives you the creeps?

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41 thoughts on “Seven real things to fear this Halloween

  1. I fear having to give up chardonnay (foregoing chocolate due to GERD has been bad enough). And spiders, especially ones with hairy legs; even looking at photos of spiders creeps me out. And, like Carol, a Trump presidency–which, except for that hair of his, isn’t the least bit funny.

    • These are some serious fears, Roxanne and I’m not sure how you’ve endured giving up chocolate!! The presidential election has a lot of people freaked out for sure, including me. And the eagles. Oh, the eagles…..

  2. A fish deal gone bad, you’re killing me!!!! These are so funny, Molly! And just today I ate McDonald’s oatmeal while sitting in my car without fear of an electrified sea creature falling on me–is it the car-sitting part or the sandwich-eating part that attracts the eels because now I don’t want to take any chances.

  3. Do you ever watch Nature’s Weirdest? Perhaps not because you don’t live with a 10 year old. Pretty much everything on every show scares me. Particularly the 1,000s of dead birds. Those are truly freaky.

  4. I get lost in mazes … all mazes ? They’re my nightmare!

    When you talk about candy from the 1980s …. back in 1998 I looked after two teenage boys who came from a tiny village in Belarus just over the border from Chernobyl. They stayed with me for the summer for health benefits as they were suffering from the after effects of the 1986 Chernobyl disaster (rare cancers etc) As they landed in the UK, they had various gifts for us from their home – one of which was a box of homemade chocolates. I’m partial to chocolate, so I enjoyed tucking in … then realised that they were made with possibly contaminated ingredients…. ?

  5. I can take any of these except “changing the key a minimum of 6 times” – intentionally or unintentionally. It will drive me stark raving mad. I need some coffee. The thought alone drives me nuts.

    • Don’t ever listen to an American sporting event that includes singing our national anthem, Margaretha, or I can guarantee it will put your teeth on edge. Recently they did have Renee Fleming sing it and I relaxed and enjoyed it. Why can’t they line up decent singers when there are so many among us? What is up with hiring pop stars who cannot sing??

  6. Hahaha!! Oh my word, Molly, you never fail to get a belly laugh out of me!
    You know, I’ve always thought eagles looked mean. I thought I was alone.
    I’ve never seen a flying eel, and hope I never do!
    I have been in a corn-maze. I am not sure why this is known to be a “fun” family event. I find it rather boring and frustrating. Especially when there are deliciously fresh apples hanging from trees beside the dreaded maze!
    I’m so glad you reassured us the fat that candy can’t decompose. Those chemicals to keep it edible make it all the better!
    Happy Halloween!

    • Flying eels are quite common, it turns out. A friend of mine related to me that one got dropped on her roof and she had to scrape it off. EEEWWWWW! I’m going to try to forget about such creepy things by turning to an old faithful…..peanut butter cups. Happy Halloween to you too, Amanda!

  7. Hey Molly! I can honestly say that I’ve never worried about any of your seven — UNTIL NOW!!! In fact I never even knew I should be worried about them — UNTIL NOW!!! Thanks for getting me into the mood for Halloween! Of course I’ve never been into football so that one will never, ever apply. 🙂 ~Kathy

    • I’m so glad I could add to your list of fears, Kathy, especially during this spooky time of year. I feel sorry for you that you don’t like football. There are some dreamy players out there, like my own Tom Brady. Who was innocent, by the way. Since I wrote this post a friend of mine said an eagle dropped an eel on her roof! Happy Halloween!

  8. I loved the post. Actually, your first point about flying eels reminded me of something one of my teachers told me at school about the Ancient Greek figure Aeschylus. He was a war hero, having fought at the Battle of Marathon, and then became one of Ancient Athens’ most celebrated playwrights. Unfortunately, he was also bald, so apparently he was killed when an eagle mistook his head for a rock and dropped a tortoise on it. I’m afraid to say we all thought it was hilarious, but I feel a bit guilty about laughing now because it is rather sad really (for the playwright and the tortoise).

    • Thank you for stopping by Bun Karyudo. You have validated my fear of the eagle which apparently goes back to ancient Greece. Now I have a new concern: flying tortoises! I just checked out your blog and excellent writing. I wanted to leave a comment but did not see how to do so. How did you find my blog?

  9. I did actually get lost in a corn maze once. We have a farm by my house that designs different corn mazes every year for Fall and Summer. Last year I took my boys to the maze. My younger boy said, “I’m good at mazes! I’ll get us out of here in no time.” We found ourselves lost and it took us 45 minutes to get out because my little insisted he knew the way. LOL! Great post! Visiting from #blogsharelearn

    • Thanks for the visit Michelle! I’m going to check out some of the other great posts from today’s #blogsharelearn over the weekend. I knew my fear of corn mazes was well founded, but you have brought new meaning to this terror! Thanks for sharing so others won’t make the same mistake.

  10. I’m with you all the way on you last point, the lack of caffeine as the weather changes, also the time changes the next day. I’ve wanted to see an eagle, not by having a slimy fish dumped on my car while I was in it, worse would be if it fell directly on me.. shudder.

    • I know right? It is possible it could land on a person. Since I published this a friend of mine told me a bird of prey dropped an eel on her house and she had to rake it off. Thanking God today for no caffeine shortage and no threat of power loss. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

    • Yes Marcia. Can you even imagine if there was a coffee shortage? I fear it would be an adult version of Lord of the Flies, or a new series of movies might arise called Caffeine Games. Thanks for stopping by and dropping a comment!

  11. First of all, missing the kick off – oh heck no! Get in there girl! Now, for my irrational fear: it’s vampires. I’ve never read the books or seen the Twilight movies (that might not be a huge loss). And, the only George Clooney movie I’ve ever missed is “Dusk to Dawn” b/c of the vampires! It’s a childhood thing – it might come from Barnabus Collins and watching “Dark Shadows.”

    • Kim, you’ve brought back some eery memories for me. I used to watch “Dark Shadows” every day after school with my mother. I don’t remember being scared of vampires though until I read Stephen King’s “Salem’s Lot.” I read it while I was living alone in a third floor apartment, and a tree branch started scraping the window on a rainy, windy night. I’ll never forget how scared I was! I don’t think this is an irrational fear at all!

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