We need a wall, but not in Mexico

Donald Trump is fixated on building a structure between the United States and Mexico. But I have an alternate proposal for our wall-loving president. We need to separate the U.S. from Canada and not for the reason you might think.

I like my Canadian neighbors, and I‘m proud of my ancestors who descended from their honorable citizenship. I appreciate the freedom to cross the border for visits to reinforce our friendship.

What I oppose is the air they send our way, and that’s why I’m recommending not only a wall but an insulated one. This year’s Maine winter has been harsh. And I’m sick of seeing weather maps with arctic blasts advancing into Maine without restraint.

Photo by Pixabay, overlay by Depositphotos, used with permission, edits by author.

As far back as I can remember, the words ‘Canadian air’ in the forecast ushered in cold, snow, and hopelessness. Is it too much to ask to deport this unwelcome, blustery alien and prevent its future entrance?

Convincing Trump to redirect his attention to our northern boundary will take effort. Here is a draft of a letter I’m working on to send to number 45.

Dear President Trump,

I support your mission to make America great again. And I have an idea that will contribute to this goal for those of us living in northern states. I propose building an insulated wall keeping Canadian air in Canada where it belongs.

I know Justin Trudeau advocates thinner borders between us. But that’s because he is so hot, he’s insensitive to how his country’s frigid gales lower our temperature.

The steamy prime minister could provide relief for Canadians, too, by shielding them from the tundra. I’m sure Quebec would protest since winter carnival is famous. But they could still enjoy a celebration inside their prolific ice rinks.

I know it’s hard to imagine our dilemma as you peer at a view, devoid of offshore drilling while playing golf in Florida. But take a look at your hands – your ‘normal, good-size, great, fine, slightly large hands.’ And imagine how they would look when exposed to below zero digits. They would wither into tiny, delicate hands, along with other body parts.

To please those who dream of a white Christmas, we could wait until after December. Then we could construct the wall with free snow produced in Canada. In the summer the wall would melt. And we could host a barbecue, celebrating warmer relations between our two countries.

I do have one concern. Can we get enough American workers to withstand the rigors of this grueling work? Would it be okay if we hire Mexicans to lend a hand?

Sincerely,

Frozen but hopeful

Do you have any suggestions for my letter before I send it to Washington?

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47 thoughts on “We need a wall, but not in Mexico

  1. Our winter has not been near as bad as yours this year so a wall to keep the snow on your side is fine with me. P.S. You can have Justin. Both of them.

    • At least we could have a laugh, right Carol? Something we need with the present state of affairs. Plus warmth. It has been a long, cold winter in the northeast and I can’t help but blame Canada. 😉

  2. As a Brit living in Thailand as do many of your countries compatriates I feel your pain ( through) laughter…you always make me smile broadly Molly when I read your posts…But please spare a thought for us it is cold here at the moment I am having to wear a cardigan or maybe Mr President could blow some of his hot air this way..But somehow I don’t think I am going to get much sympathy as to my plight( cold mornings) come on out mr sunshine..he is trying….Great post Molly and post it just for the heck of it… haha

  3. I would like to stand next to Justin and get some of that heat. But I’m sure by mentioning how hot Justin is, you’re not going to get a wall. Trump will make sure even colder air gets to you. Trust me. I know.

  4. So funny, Molly. I love your idea for making America great again. If only Donald had come up with the idea, then it would be the best idea ever thought up in the history of the world. Since you’re a woman, your idea is only 84% great. 😀 Thanks for the laugh.

  5. Too funny, Molly!! Here in NorCal we get that dry North wind that messes with my allergies but makes windsurfing weird. I have to blame Canada and the Chinook winds that peter out by the time they get here. 🙂

  6. OMG 😀 This is too funny! As a Minnesotan, we too get our share of Canadian air–in the form of Alberta Clippers, where the air picks up all the cold of the northern reaches of Canada and brings it to us. An insulated wall? It just might work 😀

    • I think it could work, Julie! You definitely know what I’m talking about as you live it every day during winter months. Which last for months. And months. Ugh! Tonight I had to use a credit card to scrape the inside of my windshield. That was after I froze my butt off scraping the outside of the windshield. And it was all Canada’s fault!

  7. That is too funny! Canada certainly does have enough snow to contribute a wall as you describe, but, that wall would radiate chilly temperatures much like a freezer wall that hasn’t been defrosted in a while (yes, I remember the old fridges.) So, I am afraid it would not keep your side of the wall any warmer…instead I think we all need to find somewhere warm and sandy until summer has returned to our countries, what do you say…Fiji maybe?

    • You have a point, Susan, but it would keep the wind out, if it didn’t blow down from the Arctic front that moves into Maine from Canada on a daily basis. And you’ve brought back traumatic memories of defrosting refrigerators. Fiji it is!

  8. Good luck with that one Molly. Since your fake president doesn’t seem to believe in climate change I don’t think he’ll be giving any damns. 🙁

  9. Um, is it a good idea to draw DT’s attention towards anything to do with the climate? Climate change is another thing he seems to be making a complete hash of 🙁 I really like Denzil’s suggestion!

  10. Oh my, now that I’ve stopped giggling, I have to step in here and provide a little help. Otherwise you’ll be in trouble, Molly, with that wall. It would work for EASTERN Canada but NOT west of the Rockies. Nope. Here on the west coast, or wet coast as we are fond of calling it, it is very mild. Think Seattle. This morning when I look down into the garden, I see green shoots popping out of the soil, clumps of snowdrops and moss. We had one day of snow so far this winter. In December. The accumulation was … hmmmm … maybe 1/4 of an inch? We had to truck in snow for some of the events in the Winter 2010 Olympics! Folks tend to break out the shorts about now. We delight in boasting how you can swim in the ocean and 20 minutes later be skiing up in the mountains. Come and see us! No need to bring the cosy coat. I don’t own one and had to borrow one from a friend when I visited Montreal one January …

  11. We just left Ohio, Home of Lake Effect Snow and were are in sunny Florida. But even down here, when the wind blows from the North- it’s cooler. I’m a big Trump fan. one reason for that is my area of Ohio is filled with giant abandoned car plants. So big, that we could store lots of cold air from Canada in them thanks for keeping us all laughing

    • What a grand idea to fill the empty car plants with cold air, Jena! I bet there are abandoned plants and buildings all along the border that could act as catchers of arctic breezes! Meanwhile, I will envy you as you enjoy some warmer Florida weather. Thanks for stopping by and having a laugh with me this morning.

  12. Molly, the winter of your discontent has led to this blog post’s very humorous content! 🙂 As for the repugnant Trump, I’d be happy if he built a wall sealing his mouth.

    • It has been a tough winter, Dave, and I’m looking for unorthodox solutions. I suppose another thing I could do is spend a few months in a warmer climate, but that would involve traveling and leaving home. And that is quite a stretch for me!

  13. Only one suggestion, Molly. SEND IT! Oh, and to make this wall equally beneficial to both countries, perhaps add a postscript suggesting that the wall be viewed as a metaphorical message to American businesses that Canada is neither for sale nor an extension, when it suits them, to the United States and that they can and should stop buying up our businesses, increasing our costs, and generally Amercanizing our way of life.

    Oops, another oh dear, Molly. I so wish that I had your talent for humour (or humor), especially for issues that matter so much. I don’t mean to sound as agitated and as upset as I feel. Regretfully, the election of Donald Trump tipped me over an edge that I can’t seem to come back from. Honestly, when I saw the election results, I was sure it was an April Fools joke at the wrong time of year. That it has persisted and worsened for more than a year boggles my mind and scares me silly.

    Okay, I’m done. Thank you for your wit and your wisdom.

    • I’m so happy to have your support, Karen. I didn’t want to offend any of my Canadian friends. There is plenty of material for humor in this administration, and since I can’t change things, I might as well use it for some laughs. Perhaps I can generate some heat if I laugh hard enough and I like to laugh with friends. 😉

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