10 Tips to help you thrive at your high school reunion

Molly's HS grad photo

Molly’s Hot High School Graduation Picture (circa don’t ask)

Have you gotten an invitation yet for this year’s high school class reunion?  Are you wondering how you will not only survive the experience, but also thrive?

Here are some practical strategies to help put your best foot forward.

  1. Try to gain as much weight as you can. Since it is definitely too late to lose weight, you might as well be as plump as possible. Show everyone what a great self-image you have by wearing something tight, proudly displaying your curves.
  2. Coordinate your compression hose. Those varicose veins are not going away, so you might as well match your knee length compression hose with your shorts. This will further reinforce your superior self-image.
  3. Buy some designer glasses. You don’t want to show up with those out-dated aviators perched on your nose. Show your classmates how cool you are with a new pair of Guccis or Ray-Bans. This will also give them something to focus on besides your legs and cellulite.
  4. Do not discuss the suspicious mole you had removed. Inevitably someone in your class was recently revived from a cardiac arrest during open-heart surgery. You are never going to win the game of ‘who has had the closest call.’
  5. Go through your yearbook carefully in order to uncover any buried conflicts or resentments. Write them all down and be sure you have 1:1 conversations with those who did you wrong in high school. Expressing your feelings will go a long way toward helping you let go of this inferno of rage. And it might spark some inflammatory interactions that will be the ‘hit’ of the evening.
  6. Have a couple of drinks before showing up and continue to drink heavily all evening. This will help you with #5.
  7. Step outside when the disco ball starts spinning. Watching this after following step #6 may be more than your sensitive stomach can take.
  8. Consider a new hair color. My school colors were blue and gold so what better way to show team spirit than to have some blue and gold streaks? No hair? No problem. You could have someone paint the school mascot on your shiny bald head. Mine was a beaver and would make a killer statement about your school loyalty.
  9. Pressure your spouse or partner to go with you. Be sure to introduce him/her to all the people you dated and reminisce in great detail. These awkward and uncomfortable moments will really strengthen your relationship, and help your spouse appreciate how popular you were at one time (and why).
  10. Don’t dance until you have ensured that someone in the group is certified in CPR. Then stick close to them whenever you are on the dance floor.

So now that you have a game plan for this special event, I’m sure you are feeling less anxious. You may be bold enough to fish that food-stained invitation out of the trash (using rubber gloves I hope since there literally was fish on it).

Which action steps are you most excited to try out?

©2015, Stevens. All rights reserved.

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38 thoughts on “10 Tips to help you thrive at your high school reunion

  1. Dance?! Did you say dance? The higher the reunion number the chances of anyone actually dancing, even with those flashy compression hose, gets progressively smaller, I’m afraid. And with pending or new replacement parts in the mix…OMG it just boggles the mind. Funny, Molly! How about a color-coordinated “hurry-cane?!”, LOL.

    • I love your idea of a color coordinated cane, Sharon. And I guess I just hadn’t thought about how unrealistic dancing is for people our age. Maybe we can invent some new dance steps called the Titanium shuffle, named after our new hip replacements. Haha! Hope to see you at our reunion this year.

    • I am attending my 45th this year, Terri, and I can’t believe it. Won’t it be special for you and your newish husband to show up at your 40th? That is so cool that you married a classmate later in life. My cousin did that and they are one of the happiest couple I know. I hope you will remember my suggestions to help you thrive when you attend your next reunion. *wink wink*

  2. I just went to mine recently and I SO should have painted my hair. I danced my little feet off and had a wonderful time. I’m so glad I went, truly life affirming.

    • Glad you had a good time Rosemond. You are giving me courage to live it up at my next one which happens in August of this year and will celebrate 45 years as HS grads. I can’t believe this much time has passed. I know I’ll have a good time as we had a 40th reunion and it was a blast. One of my classmates sang in a band that provided the music. Great fun.

    • Facebook definitely helps reunite us on some level, Stacey. It is different and can be uncomfortable seeing each other in real life. Or as real as life gets when you are wearing your coordinated support stockings. In real life we don’t bother to match them. Haha!

  3. Lol I skipped my 10 year reunion last year. I keep in contact with the people I cared about most from high school online and the rest can stuff it 🙂

    • They aren’t for everyone, Jessica, but I’m sure these tips would be helpful to you if in the future you decide to take the plunge and attend one of these interesting gatherings of people who have little in common. LOL

  4. These were so funny, Molly! I like the numbers 6 & 9 combo myself. The only thing I would add is remember to break the crown on your front tooth right before you go. I did and it made a nice statement about my self-confidence and my dental hygiene.

    • Oh no! You must have been the hit of the reunion with that sketchy smile, Lee. Because I cannot imagine you without that beautiful, er, captivating smile, even if missing a tooth. hahaha!

  5. Haha – hilarious! Reunions aren’t such a big thing over here, and I have always thought I am glad as I would not like them. However, now I’ve seen your survival tips, I’m thinking they sound like a great idea!

  6. school reunions scare the stuffing out of me – I have a few friends from high school who I keep in touch with and the rest I haven’t thought about in nearly 40 years – so I won’t be reunioning any time soon (some good tips to keep in mind though if I even remotely think about changing my mind).

  7. Ohh, why a genius move to get matching compression stockings to shorts! Brilliant!
    I reeeeaaallly like the gaining weight part too. I can so that! I can do that very well! I bet I could gain faster than you, arch rival from 12th grade!!! Take that law school degree and shove it! pffftt..loser…::crunch crunch…burp::

  8. #8 because our school color was blue and gold too! I can’t decide if I want to have blue hair or gold. The streaks idea is just not my style. Our 40th was last year and nothing happened so I think I still have a few more years to decide.

  9. #6………I may have to practice this one a lot leading up to my 50th this summer!

  10. Molly,
    I dont’ recall that you used any of these suggestions at our last reunion.


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