Forgetting romance

My husband, Patrick, and I were watching a Hallmark movie to get in the mood for the season of love, AKA Valentine’s Day. The woman in the film, who didn’t realize the handsome man with romantic puppy eyes adored her, wore a red dress.

He said, “I loved that red dress you used to wear.”

I conjured a vague memory of a red dress that once occupied space in my closet.

“Oh yeah, I kinda remember that dress.”

He continued, “You wore it on that Valentine’s Day when I surprised you with a limo ride to the Greenhouse Restaurant.”

I said, “What a memorable night.”

Photo courtesy Pixabay, edits by author

Patrick continued relating details while I turned my brain into a Google search engine. I entered: “Greenhouse Restaurant limo ride.”

Uh-oh. Error 404. Page not found.

I removed ‘limo’ from the search field and other memories materialized.

I said, “Thinking about the Greenhouse Restaurant reminds me of our second date. I thought you were crying because you were having a dreadful time. But it turns out your spicy blackened sword fish produced those crocodile tears.”

I knew it was a brilliant move to recall specifics about something that occurred before the alleged limo extravaganza. This strategy gleaned me credibility and valuable time. Meanwhile, I continued to search for a file in my database entitled, “Real life Hallmark moments in our marriage.”

Patrick remained laser focused. “I wasn’t sure how the limo would maneuver in our narrow driveway. With the ground frozen and not much snow, the driver turned on the front lawn.”

I said, “Lucky break. Ruts would have been dreadful on the lawn.” And in a stroke of genius I continued, “Are you going to get us on the list for early spring clean up?”

Unable to resist conversations about yard care, he said. “Good idea. I’ll email Mike tomorrow. Green grass and fresh mulch is a welcome thought in the midst of this cussed winter.”

Whew! Diversion successful. This could make a funny a blog post. I could entitle it: How I bluffed my way through a conversation about a lost romantic memory.

The movie ended, and we nudged each other awake, trudging to bed.

The next morning we rewound the movie to witness the final kiss we slept through the night before. What was the writing idea I had?

“Patrick, what were we talking about last night while we watched the movie?”

He said, “Getting the lawn scheduled for spring clean up, why?”

“Oh, no reason.” Wow, I must have been exhausted. That wouldn’t make much of a blog post.

What romantic gestures has your partner bestowed on you? Do you remember them?

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47 thoughts on “Forgetting romance

  1. Funny! Excellent diversion. My husband is easy to distract – all I have to do is mention basketball. Ha ha. We’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day which makes remembering those romantic moments a moot point. At least you too tried to watch a romantic movie. 🙂

  2. Ha!! You know in a long and happy marriage we’re likely to forget many of these moments. But, like you talk about, that’s why we experience them together, so we can fill in the blanks in our memories. It makes me think of Zen Koans: what is the sound of one part of a couple remembering a shared experience? (Maybe it sounds a lot like your story!)

  3. It’s so good to remember those tiny details, maybe where I too have made an assumption and then been corrected or a little gesture or suggestion that could pass us by but actually shows a great deal of love.
    Funny to think how we all remember situations differently too! Enjoyed the post very much!

  4. My husband and I remember different types of things. He can relate conversations in detail that I have no memory of. I remember people we’ve met, places we’ve been, and meals we’ve had. In fact, when are at a restaurant we’ve visited before and I remind him of what he ordered last time… sometimes he’ll ask, “Did I like it”?

  5. The most romantic memory was the diamond ring I opened on our 15th wedding anniversary. I was hoping for a pewter heart locket to match the previous year’s gift of earrings. Our daughters knew all about the surprise and I’d been guessing mink coats and diamonds to tease them. When I opened the gift, I couldn’t stop crying– I knew for sure that hubby, being among the most parsimonius of me–really loved me to exchange financial security for a rock. Last year we celebrated 52 years together. I love that man! <3

  6. I think we are making one tonight…an Earth, Wind and Fire Tribute band and dinner with friends….hope I remember next year! And, btw…love the photos! P.S. My hubby and I always remember completely different things..which makes for nice conversation!

    • Yes! Write it down immediately! That is my new strategy. The only problem is I have several notebooks and I don’t know which one I wrote it in. LOL. Have a great Valentine’s Day – your plans sound fun!

  7. Love the analogy of brain-googling. My hubby recalls things I can’t because he is more detail focused on experiences. I don’t even pretend anymore. I however can find anything he is looking for. It’s a running joke now, especially as we’ve recently moved and everything is in a new place. This morning I found his “stash” of un-written greeting cards – he had no idea where they were (in his office!) and then I wondered out-loud how romantic it would be if he gave me one after I found them? (It is Valentine’s day.)
    He’s never been one for romance. But he is one to recognize when I need a more “romantic” gesture…. we celebrated last night my end of cancer treatments. Midweek dinner out for just the 2 of us at a nice restaurant, on almost Valentines Day even! OK, I made the plans, but he mentioned we needed reservations for the day because of it being close to Valentines…. is that romantic? Or just his old (lovable) practical nature?
    Oh and yeah, we’ve been talking about spring clean-up already too!

    • Congratulations on finishing your cancer treatments and I pray for a clean bill of health for you going forward, Pat. That is something worth celebrating! You and your husband have a great partnership with his memory for events and your ability to locate lost articles. I’m going to think about the strengths I bring to my relationship with Patrick and point them out to him asap. I know he’ll feel better about me forgetting the limo ride when he realizes how good I am at………well, I’ve got to put some thought into this. But I’m sure I’ll come up with something! Happy Valentine’s Day. You could always address one of those cards to yourself with a sappy message inside. 😉

    • Limo rides are fun with or without a husband, Brigid. And it’s great you remember it! Haha! I do remember the limo ride I had the day of my wedding and Patrick felt somewhat deprived as we women had a longer ride. Happy Valentine’s Day!

  8. Molly, One positive about the lapse in Valentine’s memories is that you can recycle all your past VD cards. My husband would never remember a card I gave him 18 years ago. (I’ve got 35 cards to choose from.) Shhhh, don’t tell the husbands. They’ll think all the romance is gone. When, in actuality, we wives are just becoming cheapskates!

    • What a great idea, Sharon! No wonder the card counters are shrinking in stores. Actually I have a confession. Patrick and I have been known to browse the card aisle, pick out a card for each other, read it, give each other a hug and put it back on the rack. Now that we take photos of everything with our cell phones, I guess we could take a picture of it, too, for posterity. Hahahaha! Cheapskates, unite!

  9. So familiar! It gets to the point at our house that whenever my husband says “You remember this movie, we’ve seen it before”, I cringe, because I know damn well I’ve never seen the movie before. Er, pretty sure. Almost positive. No, I’m sure I’ve never seen it. Maybe.

    Have a great V-Day!

  10. My husband remembers more than me too. Conversations from 30 years ago can be resurrected – as if I might not have changed my views in the meantime, even if I could remember what they were then! He’s also the more romantic and once said I was “as romantic as a bucket of pig sh*t”. Can’t imagine what he meant, I’m practical, that’s all. Anyway, we ‘re still married so it works.

  11. Too long to post here but remind me to tell you about the time I was meeting my future husband at the Park Plaza in Boston after my business trip and I saw him in the lobby checking in with a bear rug rolled up under his arm!

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