Curbing Tide pod poisonings

Ever notice how warnings don’t mean much to you until they get personal? I saw the report about the Tide pod challenge. Young people are biting into poisonous laundry detergent capsules in exchange for a moment of fame on YouTube.

Our grandsons are too young to get swept into this moronic movement. So I processed the news as ‘don’t worry about it for now.’ Toddlers also eat these attractive packets, but I didn’t sweat it. Our grandsons are beyond that phase.

But when the reporter said ‘demented seniors’ are munching on these liquid toxins, I bolted upright on the couch and said, “Something must be done!”

Banning them won’t likely succeed in a world where profit and convenience trump common sense. So I have some ideas to make this product safer for those at risk.

Image courtesy Pixabay, edits by author

Toddlers

Toddlers gobble atrocities even the family dog renounces. Implementing childproof detergent packages that simulate prescription bottles could keep our darlings safe. I’ve nearly died delaying treatment while battling these impenetrable containers.

Concerned about access on laundry day? Calling upon a locksmith will free the imprisoned solvent to ensure clean clothes. Oh, and here’s another concept. Parents could store toxic substances out of the reach of inquisitive hands.

Teenagers

Discouraging this age group will be tough. But they do have a lower threshold than toddlers for all things gross, which favors their survival.

A potent repellent would be transforming the pod into the likeness of a lima bean. Parents could educate their offspring about how real beans grow in natural pods. Then they could ask the teen if he’d like to eat a green, slimy Tide pod. When he says,”Ewwww,” and throws up on himself, they can teach him how to use the washing machine. Double win.

Seniors

Now for the demographic that brought this problem close to home – seniors, who are not all there. Many people with dementia have a sweet tooth and crave sugary foods. At the same time, this population resists taking medication.

A common trick to coerce adherence is to crush pills and put them in applesauce. If Tide can make pods look like candy, why can’t they make them look like applesauce? Adding flecks that mimic crushed pills guarantees that demented people won’t touch this loathsome concoction.

Meanwhile, I’m feeling optimistic about the future. I hear Big Pharma is developing pill packages that look like Tide pods. I won’t miss a single dose of medication when I’m in a nursing home. You might know we baby boomers wouldn’t settle for our grandmother’s applesauce.

What other ideas do you have to encourage Tide to think outside the pod?

Boomer on the Ledge doll available with book in my online store.

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46 thoughts on “Curbing Tide pod poisonings

  1. Every time I hear about teens eating Tide pods I wonder if it really true. I mean, they are kind of pretty, but wouldn’t eating one be like washing your own mouth out with soap???

  2. A humorous take on a bad situation. Can´t even imagine what would possess someone to eat a Tide Pod. These are kids who won´t eat anything good for them!! I like the idea of telling them it´s a vegetable.

    • It’s not a smart move for these fame seekers, Darlene. I thought if the Tide pods impersonated a vegetable it would clear the whole problem up. Who wants to be seen on YouTube eating a vegetable if you are a teenager, right?

    • Yes! What a brilliant idea, Bernadette. I remember once I bought some of this vile substance thinking it would make a great meal replacement when I was on the run. I had to buy a fast food meal to get the bad taste out of my mouth. And I’m not big on fast food, either.

  3. There is a great PSA that Ice-T did on the Tonight Show the other night. Basically he says, “Stop eating Tide Pods you dumb F#@! Perfect for anyone!

  4. I just crack up at your posts! I get so frustrated with media for pitching Tide pods are dangerous. I buy these and use these for my laundry. No toddlers, teens or seniors (yet) in my laundry room threatening to gobble these. If I have to hire a locksmith to open my pods I will quit doing the laundry. Umm, hello parents? School your children in what NOT to eat, or lock your Tide pods away from confused people. Even my dogs don’t go for these. They prefer to continue to smell like dogs.

    • These news stories have probably been great for Tide pod sales, Terri. If even the dogs won’t eat them, it’s hard to understand why people would go for them. Of course, they do look like candy to the babies and confused seniors. But yes, lets keep them out of reach! And keep them from getting any more free publicity on the news.

  5. I’m just thankful cell phone cameras were not around when I did stupid things as a teen.
    That being said, purposely eating Tide? Really? Beyond dumb. I say it might be time to remove all of the warning labels designed to protect the ultra-stupid from their own dumb decisions and let things lie where they fall.

  6. I have officially reached old fogeydom–the age where I mutter, “What is this world coming to?” Toddlers eating Tide pods? Well, that I can understand–left to their own devices, those little munchkins will put just about anything in their mouths. But teens and folks our age? I’m just shaking my head–which is probably what I’ll also be doing in a few years when the nurse tries to get me to take my medicine.

    • Hahaha! I think there is real hope to get demented people taking their meds if they think it’s a Tide pod, Roxanne. As for the teens, I fear some of them are contenders for the Darwin Award.

  7. And for years I’ve been pulling on dirty clothes, swallowing a Tide pod, then climbing into the washing machine. The directions are very unclear. Thanks for the public service tips, Molly!

    • I don’t think you should change a thing, Dave, since this has been working well for you. I’m afraid if you do things different it will cause unnecessary agitation. Also this is the funniest comment ever, and I am laughing so hard I’m crying. 😂😂😂

  8. Thank you again for the morning smile, Molly. I never got into the habit of using detergent pods. Now I know why!

    • I don’t use them either, Donna, but I do use the dishwasher ones. Luckily I haven’t gotten to the stage where I think they are candy. Patrick will be watching me closely. Haha! Glad you had a laugh with me today.

  9. I think I’m just glad that my kids are grown! I raised three boys – while jumping off the roof with a skateboard seemed nuts, the current trends seem to be even crazier! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

  10. I’m glad you are taking care of this problem! Maybe you’ve seen this meme-my husband saw it yesterday- it shows a box of plain old Ztide detergent and it reads, “When I was a kid we had to eat ztide by the handful.” Thanks for the chuckle!

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