Can this shallow marriage be saved?

If you know anything about my life, you know that my husband Patrick qualifies for sainthood. But I’m a little worried he is slipping in a few areas. Areas that could affect our marriage. And not in a good way.

For example.

He’s started to fabricate stories. Last week he said we were both in our cars ready to leave for work and after I left he had to go back in the house, turn off all the lights and shut my garage door. He then began a ranty sort of discourse about me rolling out the red carpet for burglars and vagabonds.

There are several discrepancies in his tall tale.

I know for a fact that not ‘all the lights’ were on. When we get ready for work we only have lights on in the bedroom, two bathrooms, kitchen, office, living room, and dining room.

He didn’t take any photos of these alleged burning bulbs or the gaping garage door. There is no jury that could convict me on the basis of these lame accusations. I should know. I was on jury duty last summer.

He’s lost his sense of humor. Last week I burst into the house at the end of my workday exclaiming, “Wait until you hear the funny thing that happened today!”

He raised an eyebrow. “Go on,” he intoned.

“I broke with routine and decided to go out to lunch with Lindsey and Brandi. As I was standing in line waiting to order I realized what I wanted wasn’t available. Not as an individual item or a value meal. I clutched Lindsey’s arm and said, ‘When did they take Whoppers off the menu? Isn’t that a staple?’ She said, ‘You do know we are at Wendy’s, right?’

His silence was deafening.

I chattered, “Isn’t that funny? I was in Wendy’s trying to order a Burger King menu item, get it? It’s funny, right? WHY AREN’T YOU LAUGHING?”

He’s decided to speak his mind. Patrick reminded me to take my computer to work as I was donning my LL Bean coat to dash out the door. Sometime between zipping my coat and fumbling for keys, I forgot the computer. And I was naïve enough to admit it that evening.

Instead of keeping his thoughts to himself he blurted, “You forgot your computer? Even when I reminded you as you were leaving? How could you do that?”

I had an excellent retort, “I have a lot on my mind.”

Apparently he didn’t recognize the lifeline I had thrown him, because instead of saying, “Of course, darling, I understand,” he hurled this frigid response, “So do I.”

He’s taken control of the money. A few months ago when his work was part-time, I relinquished bill paying and checkbook balancing to him. I must say he has done a stellar job but he’s a bit tight with the control. He hides the checkbook and questions every purchase I make with my credit card.

He knew I had a hair appointment and asked if I needed a check to which I replied, “I think I have cash so I should be okay.”

He was relentless.

“Can you check your wallet to see if you have enough cash?”

“I’m writing, can it wait?”

“No, I need to know now.”

“Okay, I’ll look. Yes, I have cash. But if I use it I’ll be broke. But I can get more at the ATM in that creepy little ‘store-that’s-frequently-robbed.’

“So do you need a check?”

“Yes, I need a check.”

He may me take for a fool, but I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not going to tell him I left the check on my desk.

I do have hope his game-changing behavior does not signify ‘game over.’ He’s been secretive lately, and I think he’s planning something special for me. By the looks of the brochures that have been arriving in the mail, it might be a new home.

In what ways has your spouse or partner changed the rules of behavior in your relationship? How did you cope?

©2017, Stevens. All rights reserved.

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41 thoughts on “Can this shallow marriage be saved?

  1. Haha! Yes, he’ll have to go! (And I once saw a really drunk person get removed from KFC after becoming aggressive about their refusal to serve him a big mac!)

  2. First off, I love that he would be St. Patrick given how close we are to the holiday. 🙂

    Secondly, your post kinda sorta made me miss being married. Just a little. He sounds like a good egg. Keep him around at least a little longer. 🙂

  3. Molly,
    You never should have relinquished the check book to your hubby. Ha.
    But, in all seriousness (if that’s allowed on the blog), be grateful everyday for his presence.

    • I know, Sharon, there are some days when I regret my decision to give up the checkbook. But most days I don’t. LOL. Seriousness is allowed and I am grateful every day for his presence. Even when he makes up silly stories about me forgetting to turn out the lights!

  4. I have one of those receipt-checking guys at home, too. But I also have my own checking account and credit cards (we share a credit card and checking account for household expenses only). Avoids a lot of angst (as funny as some of the “confrontations” may be!).

    • I have to admit he has done a better job than I did, Roxanne, so I can’t complain. Well, I could and I do complain of course. Because that is more fun, right? Thanks for stopping by.

  5. Phew – you had me there with your headline for a moment! So relieved it’s a light-hearted piece after all. The Wendy’s/Burger King thing made me smile – that’s the kind of thing I would do! And I doubt my husband would laugh either. I agree with another commenter – yes, it IS a good thing they are cute! Although, I have to say, I often wonder how my husband is patient with me but I thank heavens he is, because I really can’t help being the scatter brain I am. It’s good that he questions how much excercise my credit card gets ?.

    • Yes, it is a good thing they are cute and it is also a good thing WE are cute, right? I’m glad to have a kindred spirit in the mixing-up-the-fast-food-menu department, Gilly. I have a husband with infinite patience and I am grateful for that every day! Love having you stop by and leave a comment.

  6. Hubby and I have been together almost 30 years. I can’t even begin to catalog how many ways HE changed the rules (I, however, am completely innocent of this). *wicked grin*

  7. May I PLEASE marry Patrick? PLEASE? Or perhaps we could just swap these guys out and skip the formalities…

  8. This made me laugh out loud!! And, oh how I empathize – I have a receipt-checking, cash hoarding checkbook hider in my house, too. Good thing they are cute, right??

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