12 Amazing gift ideas for the office holiday party

Tired of bringing unimaginative gifts to the company holiday party? I consulted with my inner elf, and we had a brainstorming session on how to make a splash at your next office gift exchange.

The first rule of successful gift buying is tuning in to the characteristics of the person unfortunate enough to have you draw his or her name. Then let your fantasies run wild.

Photo by Pixabay, edits by author

Here are twelve amazing gift ideas for:

  1. The ‘nonsmoker’ who smokes. Every organization has someone who checks ‘non-smoker’ on her annual health risk assessment, disappears during lunchtime, and induces asthma attacks when she returns to her workstation. See how she responds when you take out a loan and buy her a case of cigarettes.
  2. The man who adjusts himself. Two golf balls in a personalized Santa sack should be a suitable substitute for his compulsive need to realign.
  3. The menopausal woman. For the woman who experiences nonstop hot flashes and mood swings, a home pregnancy test can arouse a fun reaction. Warning: don’t sit across from her when she opens this gift unless your outfit matches eggnog.
  4. The flatulator. Pretending it is someone else has never worked well when working in tight quarters. So pull the plug on this facade by presenting your odiferous coworker with a hefty supply of Gas-X and a spray bottle of Febreeze.
  5. The vegetarian. After weeks of dawdling over creamed kale and drooling over your delectable cheeseburgers, grant him his heart’s desire – a year’s supply of beef jerky.
  6. The pain in the butt. Present this inflammatory coworker with the ultimate self-improvement package – a pile of hemorrhoid remedies.
  7. The potluck freeloader. A recipe book with simple crockpot concoctions and a bookmark that reads, “We will hold you accountable” should discourage the most hardened smorgasbord moocher.
  8. The boss’s pet. Make it official with an adorable brown nose that straps on with a comfy elastic band.
  9. The martyr. Give her endless material for the upcoming year with coupons granting her the opportunity to work every holiday.
  10. The outspoken Republican. A copy of Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
  11. The outspoken Democrat. A copy of Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
  12. The groper. Watch him perspire when you arrange for law enforcement to crash the party issuing a warrant for his arrest. This gift would be a massive hit at the U.S congressional holiday shindig.

As so often happens, I realized many of these gifts were perfect for me, so I bought doubles and gave myself a few extra ‘surprises’ to unwrap.

For the record, Gas-X doesn’t work, and Febreeze is a pitiful excuse for an air freshener. I must say the hemorrhoid medications were a godsend. Especially after plowing through all that beef jerky. Which I ate while everyone else was gorging at the potluck.

Hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a Happy Kwanza. I’ll be working. Wearing my brown nose.

What great gift ideas can you add to this list?

Boomer on the Ledge doll available with the book in my online store.

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46 thoughts on “12 Amazing gift ideas for the office holiday party

    • Glad you got a laugh from my list, Linda. Other than a wonderful gathering with my own department, I don’t go to office parties these days. But through the years, I’ve encountered most of these stereotypes and would have loved to give them some of these ‘gifts.’ 🤣

  1. Am I glad not to be going to that holiday party! 🙂 I have actually never been to an office party, since I never worked in one. No Christmas plans for us this year at all, since a weekend away from the madness failed. As a “gift” we bought a nice stereo for our camper, something we will both enjoy.

  2. Great list of useful party gifts, I’m sure glad I don’t work with you though 😛 I’m not sure what would be my ideal gift – oh I know A Donkey! For the smart ass – please make sure he is fed and watered and has had a bath in rose scented water…

  3. Funny piece as always, Molly! I’ve no gift ideas as good as yours, but for an office holiday party potluck I brought a jello mold in the shape of a human brain. Bought the mold online at a novelties website. Always gets a laugh. And the lawsuits are relatively manageable.

    • Dave, you have just given me my future go-to dish for potlucks, thus reforming me from my status as a potluck freeloader. Why didn’t I think of that? Probably because my own brain resembles jello when I am under potluck pressure. I love it!

  4. You must be great fun at the office party, Molly. At least you’re willing to endorse most of the gifts yourself. Ha ha. I particularly like the gift to the martyr. Is that why you’re working? 🙂 Happy holidays.

  5. Well. This was interesting. Here I was, minding my own business, thinking I’d see some creative gifts for co-workers when, what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a post full of gag gifts and silly, fun cheer.

    This was great. Thanks. 🙂

    • I’m so glad I drew you in to my humor web, Sarah! And I love the poem in your comment. I noticed my face didn’t show up in the photo when viewed in the wordpress feed, so I wondered how many would think it was legitimate. Gotcha! Thanks for having a laugh with me!

  6. Like the way you think and the fact that you’re willing to go over budget, as in the case of the carton of cigarettes. Might I also suggest a set of earplugs and a supply of burp cloths for the Loud Talker? I find they tend to ramp up the voltage and the spray this time of year.

    • I looked into it, Almost Iowa, and I have bad news for you. In order to preserve our current climate of relentless hostility and deadlock this has become a banned book. Congress is calling for a turn in program to confiscate the copies that are in circulation. I would think only the people who were not going to apply it to their lives will turn them in, so there is still danger lurking from copies held by those who want to kill the divisiveness.

  7. Here is my comment: you are freaking hilarious! Almost wet myself. I don’t see Depends on your gift list. Please add.

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