Advice for the Donald: say this, not that

Remember the book “Eat This, Not That?” It was full of shocking disclosures about foods with enormous quantities of sugar, salt and fat, and then offered suggestions for healthier options.

I started thinking about similarities with Donald Trump. He believes his comments are full of quality content, but are there more palatable alternatives to help us swallow his message? What if he adopted a new strategy of “Say This, Not That?”

Photo courtesy depositphotos, edits by Shallow Reflections™

Photo courtesy depositphotos, edits by Shallow Reflections™

Say This: “Vote for me, because politics and government need to maintain its reputation.”
Not That: “One of they key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”

Say This: “I’ve seen Obama’s baby photos, and he is adorable framed against the background of giraffes.”
Not That: “An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a fraud.”

Say This: “The media writes things about me that could hurt me, if I didn’t have a beautiful rebuttal readily available.”
Not That: “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media writes as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.”

Say This: “Ted Cruz had to call his doctor after more than 4 hours of discomfort.”
Not That: “Ted Cruz is a total stiff.”

Say This: “I love my family like no other candidate in this race.”
Not That: “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

Say This: “I’ve found a great, gently used wall on eBay, and all I need is the cooperation of China, and a few Mexican workers to repurpose it at the southern border.”
Not That: “I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

Say This: “I admit I am not beautiful in the conventional sense, but I have other redeeming qualities.”
Not That: “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”  “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”

Say This: “You have to be able to take the heat when you are dealing with ISIS.”
Not That: “The other candidates — they went in, they didn’t know the air conditioning didn’t work. They sweated like dogs…How are they gonna beat ISIS? I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”

Say This: “My supporters are armed with unshakeable loyalty.”
Not That: “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters,”

Say This: “Rosie O’Donnell and I may have had our differences, but I do give her credit for drinking Diet Coke.”
Not That: “I’ve never seen a thin person drink Diet Coke.”

Say This: “I love ‘wherever’ and always have. I am a traditionalist.”
Not That: “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”

Say This: “There is at least one thing left in the universe that I don’t know.”
Not That: “I don’t know what did him [Jeb Bush] in.”

I’m sure you’ll agree that this approach would not soften Trump’s message, but show his kinder, more positive self in keeping with this quote: “So funny, Jeb Bush called me a “highly gifted politician and a great entertainer” – I assume that is a compliment!”

What advice do you have for The Donald? Can you revise some of his quotes to help him win the hearts of Americans?

The Donald

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13 thoughts on “Advice for the Donald: say this, not that

  1. This is my favorite piece that I’ve read today. I would love to imagine that we can soften our elected demagogue, but I fear that it is impossible.

  2. So funny! But what he has said so far hasn’t seemed to stop him yet. That’s the strange part.

    Anyway, I’m hoping that I can send you a list of things that I have said so you can translate them into what I SHOULD have said. I could really use the help myself! 😉

  3. I just don’t get DT at all! Is he for real? I don’t live in the US but all the stuff we read about him just seems like a very bad joke. But then we have David Cameron and his Oxbridge cronies running our country 🙁
    Your list is very funny – hope he sees it!

    • I’m afraid DT is for real and even though he needs a DR (preferably with specialty in psychiatry), he is winning like crazy. I cannot imagine him on the ballot next fall, let alone becoming president. Thanks for the comment, Gilly.

  4. This: President Obama is intellectually challenged.
    Not: Obama is an idiot!

    This: Mrs. Clinton is truthfully challenged.
    Not: Hillary is a dirty rotten liar!

    This: Senator Sanders leans beyond left.
    Not: Bern is a closet Commie!

    Molly….don’t feel obligated to share.

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